


Before

by everythingtrash101



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Best Friends, Blood, Denial of Feelings, Engineer Rey (Star Wars), F/M, Friends With Benefits, How Do I Tag, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lawyer Ben Solo, Miscarriage, My First Fanfic, Not Beta Read, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:22:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26586568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everythingtrash101/pseuds/everythingtrash101
Summary: The doctor said it was perfectly normal, happens more frequently than people are aware and doesn’t mean she’s not in perfect health, as the most caring doctor Rey had ever met said, and Rey quotes: “Most times it does not have a cause, it’s just your body telling you something was off, but that doesn’t mean it will happen a next time”. Rey felt bad she couldn’t remember the doctor’s name.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 8
Kudos: 64





	Before

**Author's Note:**

> Hiii, so this is my first work and English is not my first language, so if you see any grammar mistakes or any missed trigger warning, please let me know and I'll fix it as quickly as possible!  
> Hope you enjoy and don't forget to leave kudos and comments in case you want this to continue.
> 
> Trigger warnings:  
> Pregnancy, miscarriage, mention of suicide, blood (none of those are described explicitly, but there's no harm in warning, right?!)

Rey never taught she’d hear those words, indeed, she never thought she would even be in the position needed to receive such information. Sitting now in her hospital bed, waiting for her best friend come pick her up, since the doctor said it was better for someone take her home, Rey could not put in words how she was feeling. Sad did not feel quite right, but neither did relief, maybe incertitude was the one that fitted the most right now. 

The doctor said it was perfectly normal, happens more frequently than people are aware and doesn’t mean she’s not in perfect health, as the most caring doctor Rey had ever met said, and Rey quotes: “Most times it does not have a cause, it’s just your body telling you something was off, but that doesn’t mean it will happen a next time”. Rey felt bad she couldn’t remember the doctor’s name. 

She was putting back in her work clothes when she felt his scent, why did he have to have such a good natural scent. Rey wondered if her sudden powerful sniffing was a side effect that remained, only coming to acknowledge now that the source was gone. Rey had finished putting on her shoes as he appeared in front of her, it was one of the coldest days in NY, but she swore she saw a line of sweat on the top of his forehead. His height and wideness filled the room, and Rey did not waste time and hugged the man built like a tree in front of her. 

To say Benjamin Chewbacca Solo was the person she loved the most was an understatement. Knowing him since college days in New York, where he was a Law School student, meanwhile she was a Mechanical Engineer student in NYU, Ben Solo was her rock. Rey liked to say that it wasn’t friendship at first sight, more like friendship at first insult. They had met at a Columbia party, having met through mutual friends, as soon as Ben knew she was a ME student at NYU, he made an ironic comment about how he couldn’t understand how someone could make a living out of put engines together, to which Rey playfully responded saying she couldn’t understand how someone could make a  living out of other people’s disgrace and still sleep at night.

Fifteen years later, Ben and Rey are still best friends, of course, they had their up and downs like every friendship has, having big fights over small and big things, not talking for months when Ben received a chance of being an intern for Snoke in his office, and took it, even though Rey warned him not to, because she did not trust that man. But as soon as Ben swallowed his pride, and admitted Snoke was eating him alive every day, Ben finally took his uncle’s offer to work with him and his mother longtime friend, Amilyn Holdon. Boyfriends and girlfriends may come and go, but they were still there for each other. Ben was there for Rey when one of her exes said in front of all her friends that he did not love her, and Rey was there for Ben when he found out his girlfriend pretended to be pregnant after she heard him saying to Rey he was thinking about breaking up with her, and faked because she knew Ben would do the right thing, to stay. 

One night, as they nursed their own drinks in Ben’s living room of his fancy apartment in the Upper East Side, they started to share how tired they were of heart brakes, and as if they were in a romcom, they made an agreement, two, if we are being honest; the first was a friend with benefits accord, no strings attached, just two close friends that are attracted to each other having fun; the second, if both of them were still single around the age of 40, they would get married and finally give Leia and Han the grandkids they have been giving not so subtle hints at Ben for the last six years. 

It had been about six year since their agreement had started, Rey was now 33 and Ben 35, and none had found a partner that would end it. If Rey was being fair, she did not want to find anyone else, she wanted Ben, she wanted the constellation of beauty marks in his body, the grumpiness in the morning, the social awkwardness, the confidence he felt when practicing law, the vulnerability when he was with her. She wanted the good and bad. The happiness and the sorrow. She had been through it all with him. The happiness when he won his first case. The sorrow when his childhood friend, Tai – also the one that presented them to each other – took his own life after years of suffering with depression. The good when he made her laugh. The bad when he said things, he did not mean that hurt her the most. 

Still in his warm embrace, Rey felt his heart beating as she lay her head in his chest, and finally, she had a reaction to all that happened in the last couple of hours, she cried, hiding her facing and wetting his clothes, Ben hugged her tightly. Since the new were giving, Rey only taught about how she would tell Ben. She knew she could easily lie and say it was dehydration, or low sugar in her blood, but it did not feel right, to hide such thing from him. Rey still needed to figure out what I meant to her, but perhaps with his help, she would discover. 

For the first time since they had last spoken early that morning as they dressed for work in Ben’s apartment, his voice echoed in the space, he said her name. Tilting her head with his fingers on her chin, now settling one of his hands in her cheek, Ben kissed her tears away and finally kissed her on the lips, it was a gentle kiss, caring one. The taste of her salty tears on her lips reminded her of the first time she went to the beach, the so time Ben took her ‘beach virginity’ as he teased her, but that’s a story for another time. “Where do you  wanna go?” He caressed her cheek with his thumb, when did Ben become so confident to show affection in public, she pondered. Rey felt a knot grow in the throat, “home”, she mouthed. Ben simply nodded, grabbed her things for her and headed her for the car. Rey found it amusing, if we can say that, the fact that home was not the place where she lived, but the place where Ben Solo was.

***

Ben Solo almost felt like he was having a heart attack the moment an unknown number called him just after he left a meeting, saying someone called Rey  Niima was in the hospital and his number was her emergency contact. He immediately dropped everything and ran to his car, only calming down when he saw Rey in flesh in front of him, alive, safe. He felt a weight come out of his chest when she saw her but felt his heart ache at how she looked. She seemed tired, confused, her skin had lost a bit of color, she seemed powerless. He hated seeing her like this, not being the confident woman with the killer accent he knew. 

As Rey reached out for him and crossed her arms around him, Ben felt like he was meeting the Brit girl who had just got out of the foster system and stepped into American with a student Visa and a full scholarship on NYU. He sensed the vulnerability he had no long saw in her in a long time, and it killed him. Hugging her tight as the most precious thing he had, which she was, Ben felt her shampoo scent fill her nose,  _ lavender _ , it suited her so well. 

As they walked now to his car, Ben opened the door for her, and putting the seatbelt on before she even had the chance to grab it, put her things in the back sit and took his place in the driver’s seat. It was only noon, but as soon as Ben got the call he made sure to tell at least uncle Luke he wouldn’t be coming back for the office for the day, Luke did not question, knowing Ben was a more than perfect lawyer and employee, he felt Ben could have the privilege of leaving work in the middle of the day out of nowhere, especially when it came to Rey, who had become the favorite of the Organa-Skywalker-Solo family in the last 12 years. 

As Ben drove home, one hand in the wheel and the other holding Rey’s cold hand, he dared to kiss the back of her hand, to which she corresponded giving a light squeeze, but not taking her eyes out of the car window. Rey’s free hand, which rested on her lap, had his grandmother’s  Padmé engagement ring on her ring finger, a golden band with a small emerald green stone, according to Ben it matched her hazel eyes. He had been given this ring the same weekend his parents met Rey, on their country house further into the NY state. His mother and father had been nothing but vocal about them not minding Rey officially becoming part of the family and mothering their grandchildren. Comments to which Ben makes sure to pretend not to hear or quickly change the subject. 

Ben had given Rey the ring years ago, when she graduated from NYU with honors, having the biggest GPA of the entire class. Ben gave her as a graduation gift, something he was aware it was common in some countries and made sure Rey would not know the real nature of the ring. When his parents first saw Rey wearing the ring, he never wanted to laugh so hard, he saw the color disappear from the eyes and astonishment fill their faces, gladly Rey was too busy joking with uncle Chewie to notice, and Ben was smart enough to already tell them they were not dating or anything before they said something to her. 

Many thoughts crossed Ben’s mind as he drove, all the possibilities that Rey fainting out of nowhere in a project presentation could mean, from the not so worrying to the worst. The thought of Rey being sick made him want to cry, he had already lost someone he loved, and he was not willing to lose the love of his life. Yes, that’s exactly what I said, the love of his life. Ben never had strong opinions on love, he was not the one the deny the existence of true love, but the was not either the one to declare he believed in such thing. He just had never experienced it, sure, he had crushed and fell in love before, but none of them were Rey. None of them had the freckles on their nose and cheeks, none of them had a killer accent, dimples, a sarcasm that matched his irony, the disposition to wake up in the morning, the courage to make bad jokes and steal a laugh of him just because she looked the most adorable. 

None of them were her.

Ben and Rey were now at his apartment, he prepared her a bath and took her clothes to put in his washing machine, besides her saying it was not necessary. Since they arrangement began, Rey had left more and more things at his apartment, not that he was complaining, God no, he just wished he had the balls to tell her to just move in with him at once and be with him for the rest of his days. As Ben left her alone in the bathroom and walked towards the washing machine, he noticed something on the pants and underwear. A patch of blood stained them, besides both being of dark material, Ben could still see the redness in the fabric. Ben taught what it might meant, period? Perhaps, maybe she had strong cramps enough to make the pass out, he knew it was not impossible, and he decided to stick with this hypothesis and focus on Rey. 

Rey was wearing one of Ben’s long sleeve shirt when she came out of his bedroom, her hair was still the in bun she had made to not wet it, but baby hairs in her nape were definitely caught by the water. Ben was in the kitchen making lunch for both. He was aware of Rey’s fondness for his cooking and decided to make her favorite food. Ben put the knife on the counter as Rey approached him, holding one of his arms gently as he kissed the crown of her head. “Can we talk?” She whispered with her voice cracking a little bit. She was nervous. Ben nodded and they went to the living room, sitting next to each other, Rey did not even look at him in the eyes, her hands on her lap, she said: “I had a miscarriage”

Ben thought he had not heard her well, but seeing the look of confusion in her face, he was sure he heard what her heard. Thinking rapidly, Ben finally made to the conclusion that if Rey had a miscarriage, she had to be pregnant, and if she was pregnant, the baby was his. Ben knew how serious Rey had been about monogamy when they made the deal of best friends with benefits and had no doubt, he had impregnated her. They did not use condoms, but Rey had an IUD implant she had a new one about two months ago. 

“How far long were you?” He asked, not knowing what to say exactly. 

“According to the doctor and the information he got from me, about seven weeks” Rey said now looking at him, tears in her eyes. Ben hugged her tightly. 

“Did you know?”

“I had no idea” Rey said as they parted from the embrace. “I would have told you if I knew” Rey cried a little bit again, and Ben felt guilty, he did not ask as if she were hiding something from him.

“I’m sorry, I did not mean to say it like this” 

“It’s ok, I’m pretty confused myself” Rey dried her tears. Looking into her eyes, Ben wondered if she had not miscarried, whether the baby she would carry would have her eyes. He knew he would hope for them to do so. 

Silence settled between them, and Ben risked “Would have carried on, with the pregnancy, I mean?”

Rey seemed shocked by his question “I don’t know, maybe, if you wanted me to keep the baby”

“But I want to know if you would want it Rey, I would just follow wherever you decided” Ben said honestly.

“But I would like to know what you wanted too, I know it’s my body, but I would like to know your opinion on this” 

“Truly?” Ben asked and Rey nodded, scarred of what he might answer “Yes, I would like you to keep them”

“Them? You think I was pregnant with twins?” Rey asked  scarred and joking at the same time, Ben gave himself the liberty to laugh. “No, I was trying to use gender neutral pronouns, but you know, twins are a thing in my family” He joked back, and Rey smiled. 

“Does this mean we are trying?” Rey asked confused.

“I don’t know, do you want to have a child with me?” He asked and when Rey took a little too long to answer, he became anxious “Forget it Rey, you just went through a lot, I know you still have a lot to absorb, so forget what I just said” Ben started to stand up when Rey grabbed his hand. “I do” She said, and Ben sat back on the sofa, Rey put both her hands on his face a gave him a gentle kiss “You are my family, Ben Solo, and I wouldn’t mind expanding it, as long as it’s with you” Ben knew she was being honest, so, he kissed her, holding her tightly to his body, and said in her ear as her hugged her, “I love you, Rey” to which she simply replied, “I know”, making him chuckle. 

“I should call my gynecologist in the morning and make an appointment as soon as possible to remove my implant then” Rey said touching their foreheads together.

“I’m not rushing you Rey, you just...”

“I know, but I already wasted 15 years pretending not to be completely in love with you, Benjamin Solo, I don’t want to waste one more second”

“Okay but promise me to tell me if you want to stop at any moment, I love you, with or without a child” Ben said. “I just want to be with you, forever”

Rey grinned, kissing him and saying, “Then be with me”. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, if you liked this, please leave comments and kudos, specially if you want this to have more chapters!  
> Hope you enjoyed, and stay health and safe!


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